i'm havin' a dilemma

actually this is not a serious dilemma...
for those who read my blog i hope you could give some advice...
this is a story 'bout my heart ..

as a man...
who need to love and to be loved...
i really confused about my situation in a confusing term of condition...
this story began when i was still in junior high school third grader...
i have a friend.. her name is "lyra"( it's not the real name)
my feeling is not too big...
i just put her in my heart as one of my best friend...
as the time goes by...
i do attracted to her,,,
but i thought it was just an ordinary feeling as a friend...

few months later...
a girl named "antlia" came into my life...
she is younger than me...
as a boy ,, i do catch her 'action' to attract me...
i forgot about my feeling for lyra,, and exchange the room in my heart for antlia
but ..
after i thought about her personality,,,

and from the information from my church and my buddies...
they said "yan, if you think she is the one,, so grab it,, don't let anyone take it from your hand..
but with her bad personality,you should thik twice.."
yup...
i did the recommendation..
and my heart was losing some part and felt an emptiness...

when i was in senior high second grader...
these 2 girls always on my mind,,
until i met
a girl with a precious personality..
her name is "cygnus"
and i do addicted to a word named love...

i do every foolish things,, i do everything to get her attention...
but she had no attention and avoided me..
i feel so lost....

after a few days...
i met a very2 young girl named"vega"
she's so young in her age..
but she is so cheerful,, attracting,, love to speak,, brilliant,, friendly,, kind ,,
i was so surprised that i met this girl,,
i thought this was the end of my journey,,
but i was completely wrong,,,
her unique personality became a terror...

she called me everday till now...
so childish...
so selfish...
i didn't know why i was so blind that i couldn't differ good from "good"

and you know i am trying to avoid her now...
not to reply her message..
i know it's so cruel..
but every time i reply hers..
she will be a big hearted and think that i treat her special...
what a kind of "annoying" girl??

and you know what??
this condition occur again...
antlia back to my life..
and do the same things as vega...

and a few days ago cygnus also try to attract me...
i's supposed to be happy..
but...
i don't know ...
do i have a trauma??
or a karma ??

last week i've just invited by lyra family( the first girl )
to eat with her huge family...
i do ashamed...
but a bit of happy...
lyra is different with this other 3 girls....
so my decision is lyra...
she's at malaysia now...
not to study but for a holiday...
she invited me for so many times to go accompany her to malaysia with her family,,
but i refuse...
hoho...
what a nice family right??
invite their daughter's friend to go together??
is this " pertunangan"
nooo....
i don't want to be ended so fast....

so what's the problem here...
what should i do to make this 3 girls aware that i won't give a chance for them...
but in case...
i don't want to hurt their feeling...
if you do have a suggestion please tell me...

ok...